Tricks The Mind Plays
by AnnFleur
Summary: J/C episode addition to Workforce. What if Janeway doesn't remember how she feels about Chakotay?
1. Tricks The Mind Plays

Episode Addition to Workforce. J/C, rated T. Star Trek: Voyager and all it's characters, aliens and other creations belong to Paramout.

Tricks The Mind Plays.

'Computer, delete all files with the following keywords: Jaffen. Quarra.'

'All files with specified keywords have been deleted.'

Kathryn sighed. It hadn't been her down there, she knew that now, but still it haunted her.

She had allowed herself to love.

It hadn't been the Captain, that hadn't been her burden so it had probably been easier for her. No inhibitions or limitations in connection to her duty. What a lousy excuse.

Jaffen. He had been kind, gentle and maybe even attractive, and she missed his company. But here she had other friends, people who knew her, who had been through the same, who were in this mess with her and aware of it. Not trapped in an illusion like they had been on the planet.

If it hadn't been for Chakotay she would never have left. She was happy, not ambitious enough to want to seek out other positions or inquire about career moves. That proved to her that the person down on the planet hadn't been her.

She walked over to the replicator, asked for a coffee and sat down on her couch, the steaming cup in her hand. She felt powerless but also, she felt as if slowly but surely everything was coming back to her. Mostly she was regaining memories from her life, from their journey but slowly she was also regaining memories of a more personal nature.

Chakotay.

He had come to get her back when she was on the planet, and she had trusted him almost immediately. She hadn't understood why but she knew now that they were very close friends. With that knowledge, something else was dooming on her. She had trusted Jaffen because he had reminded her heart of Chakotay.

It wasn't that hard to imagine, really. He was of the same build, a little less muscle but still, strong. He had the same colour skin and kind eyes as Chakotay. His voice was similar, soft but strong and he had always trusted her, like Chakotay always trusted her. Without questioning. Without doubt.

She remembered an evening on Quarra, lying with Jaffen, willing her mind to ease but something nagging at her. She had traced invisible lines on his forehead, lines that were not so invisible on Chakotay. Had she remembered, even then? She didn't know. All she knew was that it meant something, and she needed to talk about it.

She had considered having a deeper relationship with Chakotay almost from the beginning, but she had always decided against him. The excuses she continued telling herself were always the same, always really made up and meaningless if she thought about them too long. So she never did. You can't, you need to run the ship. You need to be the figure of authority. You can't, it'll get in the way of getting home. You'll lose your focus. She knew it was all crap, that she could do it, that they could but she just wouldn't let herself give in. This man, this wonderful man deserved someone whose attention wasn't divided. And that wasn't her.

'Chakotay to Janeway.'

How like him to call her, so late, knowing she would be up. How could she sleep?

'Yes Commander.' She answered, her voice neutral.

'If you're up for it, I could use a nightcap,' he said, not really asking. He knew she'd appreciate his company.

'Sure, I could drink,' she answered. 'Come on over.'

'Be right there. Chakotay out,' he ended communications.

Chakotay was waging a battle of his own. He knew his best friend needed him, but he didn't know if she would accept his help. He wanted to talk to her, tell her stories, help her remember. She had been asking him about several things on the bridge, but nothing personal or concerning the two of them, and she hadn't touched him like she used to. He wasn't sure what she remembered of their relationship, their deep friendship with the mutual knowledge of love. They both accepted that it probably wasn't for the Delta Quadrant to see them in a sexual relationship but the knowledge that they wanted it was enough for now. How much of that did she remember? He wasn't sure. He didn't want to remind her but would she ever remember? The Doctor had said there would be a full recovery if the patients were helped, stimulated, to remember everything, but their relationship issues had caused her so much pain in the past that he was at war with himself. Would he make her remember if she didn't on her own?

He had heard her cry often, before the abduction incident on Quarra. In her quarters, once even in her ready room. Never had he asked about it, because he had always seen the answer in her eyes when he came over for dinner, or drinks. She felt lonely. Without him by her side, not separated by a wall, she was alone. If, by accident, she didn't love him anymore, at least it would spare her that. He would do that for her. If it killed him. He would do anything for her.

Within a minute, he was at her door and she let him in. 'Hi, how are you?' he greeted casually.

'Fine, fine, thanks. I see you brought our liquor,' she smiled, pointing at the bottle in his hand.

'Yeah, it's from my secret collection. I think you'll like it.'

'As long as it's strong,' she joked.

'That bad?' he asked, hoping she'd answer him truthfully.

She sighed as she got glasses and sat down on the couch, gesturing for him to take the chair.

'It's a strange thing, Chakotay,' she started. 'I had a life. A full, good life, a job, friends..'

Her voice trailed off as her eyes dropped.

'I know,' he just affirmed. What else could he say?

'And now it turns out to be a lie. Fake. Just another alien who can't seem to live peacefully. It's abuse, Chakotay. Physical and mental abuse.'

He hadn't thought of it that way but she was right. Her body and mind had been used to the advantage of someone else.

'You're right,' he nodded. 'I'm so sorry, I didn't know if coming to get you was the right thing to do but I had no choice. We need you.'

'It was the right choice, I'm glad you came,' she assured him. 'Still.. It's almost like a part of me died.'

He nodded. 'I understand what you mean, you've lost a piece of you on that planet.'

'Yeah, she wasn't me but still it was me living that life. It gives me a headache.'

'Then let's talk about something else,' Chakotay quipped. 'We don't want the Captain out with a headache.'

'All right,' she smiled at him. 'Let's talk about.. About you. Tell me, how did we become friends so fast? I remember how we got stranded here and how you became to be my second in command, but I don't remember much about us personally. It'll come back eventually,' she added. 'But you know what the Doc said. Stimulation of memories can't hurt, right?'

He sighed. She didn't remember. He had a choice to make.

**Author's Note: This will be my first VOY story. Please R&R and tell me if you want to read more!**


	2. Burdens

Tricks The Mind Plays.

2. Burdens

"_He swore to stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter.. From that day on, her needs would come first.''_

He sighed. She didn't remember. He had a choice to make.

'Kathryn..'

She saw things in his eyes she hadn't expected. He seemed reluctant to talk about it, and she didn't understand why.

'What is it? Come on, I just want to know how we became friends,' she pushed on.

'We didn't really have a choice,' he tried. 'Our crews were forced to work together, you were the Captain of this vessel, I was the Captain of mine. It wasn't a difficult decision for me to make, you were already commanding Voyager, the best I could do was try to help both our crews get home.'

'That's how we became the command team of this ship. Not how we became friends,' she said softly. 'I'm sorry I don't remember yet.. But if you're unwilling to talk about it I'll find out for myself.'

He looked down at his hands. 'It's not.. We don't chose who we become friends with, Kathryn,' he said. 'We just.. You know, it just happened. And I'm glad it did.'

Kathryn nodded, taking a sip from the drink still in her hands. 'I.. I felt something similar on Quarra, I think..'

'With Jaffen?' He didn't really want to know but if she needed to talk about it he would be there for her and listen. He was her friend.

And he wasn't a fool, he had seen the connection between Kathryn on the planet and Jaffen, a man who reminded him of himself. She could have been happy with him.

'Yes. I didn't really know him but I trusted him instinctively. I can't explain it.'

'Two souls who recognize each other,' he said. She nodded. 'I don't really.. Believe in this philosophy, but an ancient philosopher had the idea that humans were really four arms, four legs and two heads. They were too strong for the gods, so they were split in half, doomed to search their lives for their soul mate.'

Chakotay nodded. 'My people have a similar legend. But unlike you, I do believe it's true.'

Kathryn directed her eyes towards the viewport, looking out into the stars.

'It felt like home, Chakotay.'

He looked at her, seeing sadness in her eyes. His heart reached out to hers, wanting to comfort her but if she didn't remember their closeness that wouldn't be a good idea. He decided she needed time. 'I know. It was home.'

She was so glad he understood, even though the ship was filled with crewmembers who had gone through the same, Chakotay's support and opinion meant a lot to her.

They talked a little more about the rescue, how others were doing, how B'Elanna and all the other crewmembers who had been in a relationship were adjusting to their former lives, and about the rescue mission itself. After another hour Kathryn yawned. 'I think I'm finally going to be able to sleep. If you'll excuse me, I have a ship to run tomorrow.'

'Me too. Good night, Kathryn,' he said, standing. She just nodded.

He was almost out the door when he turned one last time. 'You know I'm here when you want to talk.'

She nodded again. 'I appreciate it. Good night, Commander.'

The following day proved to be quite uneventful. Janeway was grateful because it gave her a chance to catch up to her life, and she had a feeling some of her crew felt the same.

She spoke to an ensign she had never really gotten to know, but on Quarra, the woman had experienced the same things she had. She had fallen in love, even moved in with the man within the course of three weeks. The feelings that came with having that ripped from you wasn't something many people would understand, but Kathryn confided in the young woman and found it comforting.

The two women were sharing a cup of coffee in the mess hall. Ensign Nelson, a capable crewmember who worked in engineering, smiled sadly. 'I can still remember exactly how I felt. What I felt for him, I don't think I've ever felt it before.'

'Why didn't you ask me to let him stay?' Kathryn asked.

She would have allowed it without question, especially since she knew the man from the power plant as a skilled engineer.

'We talked about it.. But he was like Jaffen, he really came there to have a better life. And I guess he found it. I just couldn't take that away from him.'

Janeway nodded. 'I understand. You'll be ok, Ensign. What's your first name?'

'Olivia,' the woman answered. 'All right, Olivia.' Janeway could really use a friend on this matter and she felt like she had found one.

'What about you, Captain?' the ensign asked. 'Why didn't Jaffen stay?'

Kathryn sighed. 'Being a Captain.. It doesn't really allow for relationships like that, especially with my crew,' she explained. 'It just wouldn't be appropriate.'

Olivia frowned. 'But you and the Commander..' Then she stopped. 'Never mind.'

'Me and the Commander are very good friends, Olivia. That's all,' Janeway said.

'Being a Captain sounds like a lonely job,' Olivia mused. Janeway nodded. 'It can be. But that's the life we choose.'

'But we're so far from home, from the Federation.. With all due respect, Captain.. You can't do this alone, no one can..'

Kathryn knew the young woman was right. She couldn't do it alone.

And suddenly she remembered something.

'To make her burden lighter..' she whispered.

'What?'

'Nothing, Olivia, I just remembered something. That's all.'

'It's a strange feeling,' Olivia said. 'The memories just reappear, out of the blue, don't they? It's unnerving sometimes. I hope it ends soon, it's driving me nuts. Today it happened during the diagnostic on the warp core, I almost terminated it halfway through because it really startled me!'

Janeway laughed. 'B'Elanna wouldn't have been too happy with you then.'

'I know, right?'

Janeway looked at the young woman. Olivia was hurt, like herself, but still keeping her spirits up high. She would get through this. They all would.

She decided not to burden Olivia with memories about Chakotay and her inability to interpret them, like the one that had just come back to her. The ensign had enough on her mind already.

'I heard from someone in Engineering that Lieutenant Olsen has a crush on me,' Olivia continued. 'Or at least he did, before Quarra.'

Janeway smiled. 'He's a good officer. We shouldn't rush things, Olivia. It'll take all of us a while to get back to our normal selves.'

Olivia nodded. 'The Doc called it a 'highly traumatic experience.' He was right.'

Kathryn recognized those words, it were the same words her EMH had spoken to her when she was released from sickbay.

'You should read Captain Picard's essay on adjusting to a former life, he had a similar experience. It's in the news feed, I recommend you look at it. It could help,' she suggested. She had read the essay and found it comforting, because she knew Picard was now very happily engaged to his Doctor. On the other hand, it presented her with a problem: If he could be engaged to a crewmember, so could she.

The two women talked a little more about their experience, until their break was over and Olivia had to get back down to Engineering. Kathryn smiled and greeted her new friend, telling her to call whenever she needed to talk. Also, she recommended Olivia ask Lieutenant Olsen out on a date, just to talk. It might help them both.

Olivia left with a smile at her Captain, wanting to recommend she do the same with Chakotay but not brave enough to tell her CO. Maybe she would talk to B'Elanna.

**A/N: I watched Workforce again, and Chakotay's struggle made me want to write an entire stream-of-consciousness chapter on him. But I didn't because it might turn out to be boring.. Maybe I will, though, because personally I love writing it.**


	3. Memory Lane

**A/N: Couldn't help myself.**

Tricks The Mind Plays.

3. Memory Lane

Chakotay had an uneventful day, like everyone else. He used it to check all vital systems, doing a tour of the ship making sure the crew was recovering and there were no major system malfunctions or repercussions from the attacks suffered during the rescue.

Once he was done, he retreated to his quarters. The whole experience weighed on him, he had seen things that had taken him by surprise and things that he hadn't expected.

The woman he knew, Kathryn Janeway, had been there physically but emotionally, he had seen a completely different woman. He realized it wasn't her, that her memories were erased, and he did recognise some parts of her but mostly he saw a stranger. A stranger he loved, no matter how much she had changed, she would always be Kathryn.

The real shock had been Jaffen. So quickly had she turned to a man, decided to live with him, just like that. No debates, no discussion about protocol and working together. Just an easy decision made in a second. She had looked happy with Jaffen, and for a while he had considered suggesting to Harry and the Doc that they leave her here. Just for a while, because he realized something: This wasn't her. If it was her, she would fight to get her old life back. If it was the other way around, if it were him working against his will but without his knowledge, she would fight for him too. Because above everything else she was honest. And the only honest thing to do was to show her the truth.

The person he had seen wasn't his Captain. No ambition to grow, abilities to run the place but no striving in her heart to back it up. She was his friend, though. Friendly, even to strangers. Helpful, cautious but trusting, and most of all: Righteous. She wanted to know the truth even if it hurt her. Even if it meant her life wasn't real. She had proven to him that she wasn't gone, that it was really Kathryn when she had allowed him to show her the truth. When she didn't report him, when she showed him trust and allowed him to stay in her quarters.

He knew it hadn't been her who betrayed him. And if it had been, he hadn't blamed her. But he also knew Jaffen hadn't had a choice, his only option had been to protect Kathryn and that meant keeping her away from people who might have bad intentions. Of course he hadn't believed the story right away, he would have been a fool if he had. Kathryn had told him Jaffen tried to take the blame for harbouring a fugitive, and that told Chakotay he was a good man. Kathryn would have been happy with him. Kathryn who was the Captain would have been happy with him.

Briefly he had wondered if she did regret him showing up. The tears on her cheeks as she exited her quarters with Jaffen in her wake, the look in her eyes when Jaffen had disembarked after saying goodbye, they told a story. Kathryn Janeway knew loss, was intimately familiar with it, and he couldn't help but feel responsible for it this time. In a way he felt selfish, he knew she would never allow herself to be together with someone on Voyager as long as she thought it would harm their focus, their journey. She had told him so back on New Earth, after Tuvok had called to let them know Voyager was on her way to pick them up.

'You know how I feel about you,' she had said. 'But we can't take this any further. We go back to being Captain and Commander in a few hours.' He had disagreed with her but there had been no way to convince her, so eventually he had stopped trying. They hadn't talked much during their fist days back on Voyager, and he had mourned for them. A few days later he had decided that living without their friendship was no life at all and settling back into their dinner dates and report meetings had been their way of reconnecting, their friendship growing closer than before. These days they sometimes didn't even need words, and they could always gauge each other's mood from afar. It had shocked him to see that all of that could be so easily destroyed.

Even though the Doctor had said that the entire crew would make a full recovery, he couldn't help but focus on the part where he had stressed that some things might not come back without stimulation. With B'Elanna it had all gone very fast, but already he could see that with some other crewmen it would take a lot longer. Tuvok was the only one who had already fully recovered, partially because his memories weren't properly replaced to begin with. Kathryn was making remarkable progress as well but Chakotay knew she couldn't just let go of what had happened down there. She had kept the plasma relays Jaffen had brought, and it felt to Chakotay as if she kept it to remind her of the pain relationships could bring. She had done the same with Mark's letter, which was framed and standing on a shelf in her bedroom. No pictures, just the letter.

He didn't want this to be like that. He knew how much she had hurt after getting the letter from Mark, she had punished herself gravely for being so affected by a simple letter. Chakotay was glad she had confided in him, telling him she was sad but maybe also selfish for letting herself believe Mark would wait. At heart, she really was a romantic, and he knew it. And for a romantic, rejection like that hurt the most. It hurt deep down, where it mattered, and a matter of the heart didn't just heal in a day. It needed time. And it wasn't easily forgotten, some even said it was impossible to forget. Until she was brainwashed. Some memories erased, some altered. The pain she had felt had been softened, worn off by time, and her new life had given her a chance to love again. Without boundaries, without protocol, without any memories of former commitment.

And he didn't like the part of himself that felt betrayed by her. But still it was there, a little something that stung like water on a cut. That pain you feel before you realize what it is, that it has a reasonable explanation. The first time he saw her there, out of uniform, her hair loosely on her shoulders, he had felt an ache in his heart. This is how he wanted her to be when they were back home. With him. It was a familial picture. And then he saw the man she was with. Yes, familial indeed. But he wasn't to be included in her family.

Then he had realized that it wasn't her fault, she had been mentally manipulated, she wasn't aware of him, didn't know him, didn't know their history. He was an honourable man, and he didn't blame her. It just hurt.

Then, he convinced her to come back. She did, and memories came back. He wasn't glad that Jaffen hadn't stayed, because he would have been happy if she had chosen to pursue a relationship with the man. Until the realization had hit him: Everyone who had been involved on Voyager had no recollection of those relationships. Workers who had no ties to anyone were more efficient, it was logical. Memories that had been erased would be the hardest to get back. He wanted her to remember. She had to remember.

There were a lot of reminders for her, there were holodeck programmes resembling New Earth, the Lake George programme which always had a lunch or dinner for two ready whenever they wanted, holo-images, a wood carving in her living room, and probably a thousand personal logs she recorded. He knew B'Elanna had read Tom's logs but he was glad Kathryn hadn't asked him for his. He knew without a doubt that if she asked him, he would give them to her to read, but like Neelix had said, they were supposed to be personal. And his certainly were.

Not that they were inappropriate, in no way. But he did use them to express the gratitude he felt for having known her, being part of her life, her being part of his, especially during their time on New Earth. Also it contained logs on how he had felt whenever she wasn't on board, whenever she was in any kind of danger, especially when she had chosen to walk into a fight without him by her side he had used his logs to record what he had felt, more for his inner peace than anything else. He didn't want to argue with her so he argued with himself, and if she ever came to read all of that she would probably be shocked.

So far she hadn't asked. But also, so far she hadn't given him any inclination of remembering their unspoken commitment, their love.

It had been her who had suggested they wait for each other until they were home. They weren't supposed to live celibate, but they knew that there would only ever be one they truly loved. Relationships were ok, but they both knew that real commitments were out of the question anyway. He had agreed without reconsidering, he knew he loved her and he wanted to be with her as soon as she was ready to let it happen. If he lost the woman who had suggested that, what did he have? If he had only a shell of that person, he would still love her with his whole heart, but what would she feel?

He decided he wanted to see if Kathryn was really back before going into personal matters. A trip down memory lane, so to say, only the light version.

Calling her to make dinner arrangements for the next day was easy. His goal was clear. Tomorrow, he would take Kathryn back in the history of their relationship.


	4. Remembering

**[A/N this is probably the final chapter of this story for now..]**

Tricks The Mind Plays

4. Remembering.

Kathryn accepted his dinner invitation without hesitating. She knew he was her best hope of getting every memory back in place, the only one who could answer some of her most burning questions.

Olivia had made something clear to her. It wasn't just in her head that she thought Chakotay was acting strange. The ensign had given her the impression of something more between her Captain and Chakotay, but she herself had no recollection of a relationship beyond very close friendship. Of course, Olivia might have misread what she saw, but Chakotay had carefully avoided her pretty direct question earlier.

She decided to ask him about it, to just attack the problem at its roots. Going off shift a little early, she voluntarily stopped by the Doc to make sure she was still on the right track with her recovery, surprising herself but above all the EMH who looked as if he saw a ghost. She asked if anything would hold back her natural memory recovery, he told her not as long as she kept questioning things that looked unfamiliar.

Her bathtub seemed like the best way to relax before a dinner, and she was more nervous than she thought she would be. It was, after all, just a dinner with a good friend. Still, sitting in the tub, she felt some tension leave her while butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She closed her eyes for a brief moment.

Then it happened.

A flash, not even an image, came and went before she could grasp onto it. One second of an image, him and her, together on a planet. In uniform. Her mind started working. This was on New Earth, the planet they had been stranded together. Nothing had happened between them because they had agreed on that.

Right?

Then, again.

Four words, whispered to her. 'I'll wait for you.'

But was that her own voice? Another flash, his face smiling at her.

She didn't remember anything beyond the flashes, little pieces of memories that were in her head, refusing to come out. She sighed and consciously relaxed herself, hoping to trigger some more.

None came and she left the tub with more questions than when she entered.

He wasn't wearing his uniform when he rang at her door and she felt silly in hers. 'Hi,' he greeted. She nodded her welcome. 'Should I dress down?' He cocked his head to the side. 'Maybe. I was thinking we could visit Lake George.' She nodded. 'Great idea, give me a minute.' With a gesture she invited him in and disappeared to get into something more casual.

He wasn't planning on Lake George but she didn't need to know that. He had his own special program waiting for them to arrive, a program which he had savored for a long time now and used very often, disappearing on the holodeck when he felt down, angry or frustrated.

She reappeared wearing loose pants and a shirt, both a dark color, he guessed dark blue or grey. He smiled and extended his arm, and even though she seemed hesitant she took it and his heart settled a little. She still trusted him.

They saw no one on their way to the holodeck and Kathryn was grateful but she didn't know why. She was still a little unsettled by the flashes that had appeared while she was in her tub, and even though she loved Lake George she didn't know the implications of having dinner there.

She knew by now that many people thought of her and Chakotay as a couple. The ensign she had talked to had also made it clear that her command team was more than friends in her eyes. Kathryn wanted to know why, and why hadn't all her memories come back yet? She knew it could have something to do with her brain keeping her in the dark, she had heard of that before but not in cases like this. Usually the victims had secrets that were a lot darker than what she and Chakotay could possibly have, and so it scared her a little that she couldn't seem to remember.

Chakotay called for a program and as the space around her changed she knew she wasn't anywhere near Lake George.

'Chakotay..' she didn't know what to say. 'Why are we here?'

He reached for her back and guided her further into the scene before them. It was a forest, and little by little she started to see things she recognized.

'Do you know where we are?' he asked.

She nodded. 'Yeah.'

Neither felt the need to name the place, but both of them felt the significance of him bringing her here now.

'I want to help you remember everything, Kathryn,' Chakotay said. 'I'll make you dinner like I did many times, and we can talk.'

She nodded and took the lead on their walk through the forest, knowing where they were headed.

'It's beautiful and very accurate,' she commented. He nodded. 'I've spent a great deal of my time working on it.'

'It paid off, it's gorgeous,' she said, her voice soft. 'Thank you for sharing this with me.'

He nodded. 'I thought it was the best way to do this. I think there may be some key things that happened here that you may not remember. What do you remember?'

She didn't answer for a minute because they had reached their shelter, the one that had been home. They entered and she looked around the room, clean and beautifully decorated, more so than it had been before they had left it. Then, she focused her attention on Chakotay again. 'Sorry. What was your question?'

He smiled and pulled out a chair before moving to the replicator. 'What do you remember about leaving here?'

She told him what she remembered as he prepared a meal for them. She told him about the call, how she had said goodbye to everything down here, how she had felt like she was going home but at the same time leaving a home. He recognized everything she said but he heard nothing of their attraction, their conversation, nothing about the pain of walking away from each other. He knew he would have to tell her everything she missed and he was looking forward to helping her remember, but he also felt a little apprehensive of her reaction.

When she had finished, dinner was ready and Chakotay had already divided it onto two plates. He sat across from her and smiled. 'I hope you still like it.'

She nodded. 'I know that smell from a mile away, thanks for cooking. Now, what did I miss?' She had already seen from his look that she had missed some vital parts of the story, but she truly didn't know. Apart from the flashes. Kathryn decided to tell him about that.

'I had a strange experience today,' she said before he could answer her question about what she'd missed. 'Memories, just a few. They came in flashes, out of the blue.'

He nodded. 'That's good, it means you're starting to remember more.'

'They.. They were about New Earth I think,' Kathryn said. 'Someone said to me, 'I'll wait for you.' I think it was you.'

Chakotay's heart missed a beat. He looked at her, stunned at her directness. It had been him, and now there was no way out. He had to tell her.

'Yeah.. That was me,' he started. 'It's what I said to you in our conversation right before we left. Do you know what I'm talking about?'

She shook her head, all the while eating greedily from his meal.

'After you wanted to define parameters.. We made an agreement. An agreement to see what would happen, no pressure. You know, just let whatever it was between us develop.. And then we got the call.'

She looked at him, her eyes wide. 'Did.. Anything happen before we got the call?'

He smiled, almost sadly, and shook his head. 'No. But we both knew clearly what we felt for each other.'

She looked down, almost ashamed. 'I don't remember any of this.'

'I know, I want to help you remember. Anyway, then we got Tuvok's call and we talked that night, all night long. We talked about us, what had happened, and we decided that we could in no way continue what we had started.. But we knew we wouldn't be able to just stop.. Caring.'

She put down her fork and touched his hand with hers. 'You wanted to say loving, didn't you,' she asked softly. He looked in her eyes and he saw trust, warmth and nothing of the fear he had expected to see. The absence of fear made him brave. 'Yes,' he answered her truthfully. 'I wanted to say loving, because we both knew at that moment that we wouldn't be able to stop loving each other, Kathryn. Never.'

And then, little by little, an image formed in her head. The two of them, hands linked but she wasn't in her nightgown. She was in uniform and so was he. 'I.. I think I remember,' she whispered. 'You.. You said you would wait for me, and then I said the minute we touch down on Earth I would come to you..'

He nodded but kept quiet, allowing her to slowly absorb this new information. After a minute, she looked up at him. 'I do love you, Chakotay,' she said and even though her voice sounded shaky, he knew it was the truth.

'I've been wondering why I trusted you right off the back on Quarra,' she continued. 'But I know now. A heart recognizes its other half.' Her simple words touched him deeply and he smiled at her, holding nothing back. 'I love you too, Kathryn. And I hope you will still wait for me, because I will wait for you even if it means we will never be together. If we find our ending in this quadrant I will have known you and your love and that's why the spirits put us on this path.'

She smiled back. 'I still don't remember fully. But I'm glad I at least know where we stand now. I was getting worried, everyone seems to think we're in a relationship and I didn't remember.'

'The way I see it we are in a relationship,' he said. 'Just not a physical one. But we are more than friends. We're..'

'Soul mates,' she interrupted him. He nodded. 'I didn't know you believed in that, but yes.'

'Quarra taught me a few things,' Kathryn answered. 'If my heart trusts you so deeply, without knowing who you are, a man with a weird story who I have no reason to trust.. That proves to me that you and I have something great.'

He nodded. 'I thought you were a scientist, like someone who needs evidence to believe something,' he dared to tease her.

A slap with her napkin was what he got. And with that, hope. Hope for the future.


End file.
